Social media, video games, working from home, and other nonsocial activities have dimmed people’s social skills. Add the Covid lockdowns to it, and many people are no longer socialized to thrive in today’s world. Evidence suggest social skills are as important now as ever. People who interact well with others enjoy a competitive advantage in life, especially in industries where customer service is needed. Above all the self-help, marketing, and business books stands an ageless classic.
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie demonstrates how to engage people in meaningful ways. For some, Carnegie’s renderings are reminders, but for others, the books instructions teach how to overcome the challenges of socializing with others. For the latter group, the book has changed countless lives. It has sold over 30 million copies and is almost universally included on most lists of “top” books. How to Win Friends and Influence People may have been written in the 1930s, but a quick scan of Amazon’s reviews proves it’s just as celebrated now as it was when it was first written. Why?
Social Meat and Potatoes
Dale Carnegie organized the book as a list of principles. Along with each principle are stories and quotes to help apply each idea. Some of the principles we know, but they remain immensely challenging like don’t criticize others and learn to be a good listener. Others are simple reminders. For instance, Carnegie encourages smiling and remembering people’s names. The principles are organized into four groups: handling people, making people like you, win people to your way of thinking, and how to be a leader.
None of Carnegie’s observations or advice are groundbreaking. They are, however, all true and truth has tremendous value, especially when its utility is immediately noticeable. For example, one of the principles is finding common ground with others. Before reading the book, everyone knows finding common ground with others will help business negotiations or personal relationships. What Carnegie does is show why. If two people begin with a series of agreements, they’ll want to do business or be friends. Once a bunch of yeses are agreed upon, then differences don’t seem to matter much. Most people are not willing to disregard ten commonalities because of a couple disagreements. But if you start with the differences or the disagreements, then people will not even try to get along. Legal mediators use the “start with the wins” strategy with great success – and if lawsuits can be resolved this way, so can other negotiations.
The same is true for remembering people’s names. We all know it’s important. “I wish I were better with names” is a common comment. Carnegie makes you not just notice the value of remembering names, but to want to do it. The sound of your own name is magical, he asserts, so remember names and people will remember you. But it’s not just remembering names, it’s the way Carnegie communicates the principles in the book that makes readers want to learn and apply his strategies.
Why is How to Win Friends and Influence People Still Popular?
First, the book is full of good, honest advice. It’s not selling something that doesn’t make sense or requiring readers to do something terribly uncomfortable like take cold showers, drink vinegar, or fast. It’s just full of advice we all know – show everyone respect, sympathize, use a compliment sandwich, etc. From start to finish, Carnegie fuses advice with entertainment. The guidance is easily digestible, and Carnegie gives plenty of examples of how it works.
Second, the rise of the internet has changed us. Our society has lost social skills, interest in the people we are around, and we’re distracted. For these reasons, Carnegie’s advice is even more relevant today than when he wrote it. The inability of people to get along with others is astonishing. We can see it in our politics, news stories, church schisms, crime, and rising levels of depression and anxiety among or friends and neighbors. How to Win Friends helps remind us how to get along with others by showing how to be human.
Lastly, Carnegie writes story after story after story. God designed humans to love a good story, so Carnegie delivers. Reading How to Win Friends and Influence People barely feels like reading at all because Carnegie wraps us up into one story and then dumps us out into another. Sometimes they are about famous people like Henry Ford, Ben Franklin, and Charles Dickens or leaders who learn through practice how to motivate employees. Other times its little-known examples that speak to the readers.
Everyone Could Use a Little Dale Carnegie
As the world become less personal and more robotic, the skills Carnegie teaches will become great separators. Despite all the talk of AI and the metaverse, people still gravitate towards those who know how to be friendly. People follow leaders who motivate and feel authentic. Honing social skills pays dividends personally and professionally, and there is no greater resource than Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends and Influence People shouldn’t be a dust collector on the shelf, it’s a resource guide for success and fulfilment in life.
