Last night, my wife and I attended a parenting conference led by Tim Elmore. He is an expert in leadership, parenting, and in recent years has studied the upcoming generations to better understand what lies ahead.
The One Big Thing Parents of Teen Must Do
Mr. Elmore’s two-hour talk was full of useful information. He drilled down on why smartphones are terribly unhealthy for teens and politely scolded the room full of several hundred parents for over coddling their children. But his most salient point is the messages we parents send our children.
For the first ten years of life, kids need to understand their parents love them. Children need to hear they are loved, they are unique, they are safe, they have gifts, and they are valuable. The next teen years they need to learn the realities of life. Teens need to hear these things:
- Life is difficult,
- You are not in control,
- Your problems are not that important,
- You are going to die someday, and
- Life is not about you.
Understanding these truths will help prepare young people for the path ahead. Too often as parents we prepare the path for them – we remove the barriers that can help make them strong, resilient, and productive adults. We need to learn to be honest with our kids.
Parenting Wisdom
The night was full of much more wisdom than just the messages we send to teens. The overarching point is that parents need to prepare our kids for life. We are raising kids in the hopes that they will be excellent adults one day. Here are some of the additional ideas Mr. Elmore emphasized:
- Treat Your Children Differently – Parenting is not a game of checkers where all the pieces operate the same. Parenting is a chess match. Just as every chess piece has different rules, each child has different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses.
- Tough Love – Good leaders are tough and tender – think of a brick wrapped in velvet. As parents we need to instill discipline, accountability, and remember not to remove hardships. By preparing them for the path, not the path for the child, we equip them for life.
- Compass or GPS – Help them realize their TRUE NORTH. A parent cannot be a child’s GPS for life, we have a duty to help them understand who they are and what they want out of life. We do this by giving them equal doses of autonomy and responsibility. That combination will help them understand how to navigate life.
The Three Biggest Mistakes We Make as Parents
- We risk too little.
- We rescue too quickly.
- We rave too easily.
Mr. Elmore’s advice on parenting kids and parenting teens applies to us all. It’s hard to step aside and let our children explore the world, but we are harming them if we don’t. Trash the smartphones, tablets, and games, and then kick them into the yard to learn how to use their compass.
For more on Mr. Elmore, visit his website and for more information on parenting, visit our YouTube channel. If you like this post, you might also enjoy reading The Coddling of The American Mind.
