“Nearly three out of five high-school girls in the U.S. who were surveyed reported feelings of persistent sadness or loneliness in 2021, a roughly 60% increase over the past decade, new research from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found.” This, according to a recent Wall Street Journal article, is just some of the disturbing evidence from the CDC study.
The Wall Street Journal continued by explaining all teens, especially girls, are suffering from “record high levels of sexual violence, sadness and suicide risk” and “Thirty percent reported they seriously considered attempting suicide in 2021, up from 19% in 2011.”
These are serious issues. The CDC’s feckless response to this crisis drew well deserved criticism. Government bureaucrats at the CDC called for more government “programing” and LBGT advocacy. Conservative commentators from Ally Stucky and Clay Travis to Fox News and the Daily Wire picked up the story – both the problems teens face and the unserious government response.
A Serious Response
The government should have taken the advice of Meg Meeker, M.D. Why Dr. Meeker? Because her 2006 book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, diagnosed the coming teen crises and prescribed sensible solutions.
The book is a call to action. In fact, it cost me sleep as I tussled with how to implement Dr. Meeker’s advice. The book is emotionally engaging because it hammers readers with scientific facts and real-life stories – stories of family struggles because of unengaged dads. The message rings true because we parents are inundated with similar antidotes in our own lives.
Three Truths
Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters is organized as 10 lessons for dads. Its’ full of advice from how to handle dating teens to temper tantrums and hugs. These three stand out as particularly useful:
1) She Needs a Hero
Your daughter needs and wants you to be her hero. As Dr. Meeker writes, “The only way you will alienate your daughter in the long term is by losing her respect, failing to lead, or failing to protect her. If you don’t’ provide for her needs, she will find someone else who will.”
Dr. Meeker implores fathers to never quit on their daughters. Never quit making your daughter stick by the rules even when she asks 100 times for an exception. Never quit on your marriage. Teach your daughter through your perseverance that you will never quit – you will always fight for her. She will not only know you have her back, but she will learn two indispensable traits: perseverance and resiliency.
A hero sees the task through until the end. If being resolute required standing up for your children 10 times, then every dad would be a hero. It takes hundreds and hundreds of acts of heroism to be a hero. You’ll say no hundreds of times, you’ll patiently listen hundreds of times, and you’ll help her fix her problems hundreds of times. Being a hero means making sure your daughter knows you will never quite on her no matter how far off the path she wanders.
2) Teach her Humility
In an age of social media and cultural obsession with showing off, she needs humility. If she does not have humility, she will not be able contain herself. Humility keeps us from becoming self-absorbed, prideful, and too focused on material achievements. Humble people value everyone equally, not just themselves or a rich person they want to impress.
Contrary to popular thought, happiness runs against the humble grain. Happiness is not the aim of life. If it is, then you can’t be humble because you are too focused on your own satisfaction than serving others, seeking truth, doing what’s right, and other essential values.
It is your responsibility as a father to teach her that humility is practicing self-restraint and denying instant gratification. As Dr. Meeker instructs, “If you teach your daughter to be good rather than simply happy, she will become both.”
3) Be the Man You Want Her to Marry
She will likely find a man like you to marry – for better or worse. If you are disengaged, divorced, abusive, or a workaholic, she’ll likely find a man who mirrors your faults. If you are kind, hardworking, and demonstrate fine character in good times and bad, she’ll find a man with those qualities.
You can’t help who your daughter falls in love with, but you can give her tools to stay away from problem boys. Some girls may want to help a problem guy or feel guilted into saving someone or be fearful not to help. For those reasons you must show her who she wants to marry. Give her true love and a strong character and she’ll stay away from troubled guys.
Two Quotes
Two quotes from Dr. Meeker must be known by all dads:
“Your daughter gets up in the morning because you exist. You were her first and she came into being because of you. The epicenter of her tiny world is you. Friends, family members, teachers, professors, or coaches will influence her to varying degrees, but they won’t knead her character. You will. Because you are her dad.”
And:
“Where many fathers miss the mark is during adolescence. We’ve all been trained to believe that teens are ‘impossible.’…As a doctor who works with teens, I know that all of that is exactly wrong. Adolescence isn’t biologically normal. Yes, your daughter will change during puberty, but these changes are physical. The whole image we have of adolescent rebellion and independence does not come from the biochemistry of your daughter; it is – and has been – contrived by modern marketing. It’s a ‘product’ you and your daughter don’t have to buy.”
The One Thing Dads Must Know
Everything Dr. Meeker advises comes back to this: Give your daughter rules, and enforce those rules.
When she is having a temper tantrum as a child, you put her in timeout until she calms down. When she’s acting the same when she’s 16 years old, you lovingly put her on restriction and reign in her independence. Teens, like children, need boundaries.
You would not let your two-year-old child run around in the road because she doesn’t yet understand how to avoid cars. Similarly, your 16-year-old doesn’t understand the consequences of getting drunk and staying out at a party all night with a bunch of drunk boys. You know bad things will happen. She needs her dad to keep her out of harms way when she’s a small child and a big one.
Dr. Meeker asserts, “Boundaries and fences are a must for girls, particularly during the teen years. Remember that whatever she says, the very fact that you thoughtfully and consistently enforce rules of behavior makes her feel loved and valued. She knows that these rules are proof that you care. Equally important, they train her to build boundaries for herself and teach her that such boundaries are necessary. From your rules (and your own behavior) she will learn what is acceptable and what is not, what is good and what is bad, and what she will and won’t do.”
According to Dr. Meeker, girls don’t end up in a counselor’s office because their fathers were too strict. Girls end up in counseling, detention centers, and rehabilitation centers because they have absent fathers. The bottom line is this: When she pushes hard against rules, she’s really asking, “are you going to fight for me? Am I worth it?” Let her know she’s worth the fight.
Limitations
The only limitation of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters is its publication date. The book was written in 2006, which means it does not account for vast changes in American culture. In 2006, social media was a waste of time, but now it is proven to be destructive, addictive, and can cause irreparable harm to teens. It would be nice to have a chapter address how we parents can limit technology and keep our kids connected to us.
Additionally, there was no woke agenda, no trans movement, no fentanyl, and less sexualization of children. Dr. Meeker’s advice on these matters is much needed. Fortunately, Dr. Meeker is thoroughly engaged in helping parents through her website.
The CDC’s Unseriousness is Harming Teen Girls
Eighteen percent of teen girls reported experiencing sexual violence and fourteen percent were forced to have sex when they didn’t want to. Those numbers, gathered by the CDC, are staggering.
Instead of recognizing the true culprits, the CDC showed it’s just a bunch of bureaucratic political hacks. They blame the lack of government programs, too few administrators, and unacceptance of the LBGT community as the problems. None of those things are related to the emotional and psychological issues facing our nation’s teens.
The reasons our teens are in trouble is because of government programs. These programs have led to a single mom epidemic, created confusion about gender, promote misinformation about sex, and let social media companies target children. It’s hard for any rational person not to see correlations between public schools telling a bunch of teen boys to use condoms and record numbers of sexual assaults. Similarly, common sense dictates that social media should not be able to sell harmful products to kids, just as tobacco and alcohol companies are restricted from selling to kids.
The dismantling of families and social media are problems we can all agree need solving – and most people would agree government needs to do less. Dr. Meeker adds to the conversation by showing us tangible things we fathers can do to protect our daughters from a misguided culture and bad government programs.
