There was a comedy years ago titled City Slickers in which three men from the city go out on a cattle drive. At the request of their wives, the three friends are forced to get out into the wild and figure out how to be men again. During their time away, they are challenged and humiliated by unfamiliar surroundings of the wild west. During their trials, they eventually catch up with their old selves and discover who they were meant to be.
The “man trip” is a necessary, albeit sometimes annoying part of modern life. The earth sometimes trembles at the eye rolls from wives, mostly in jest, when their husbands announce an upcoming man trip or hunting trip or boys’ weekend. Whatever it’s called, men and women agree it’s healthy. And John Eldredge makes the case as to why the man trip is just the tip of the iceberg.
A Book For Men?
Wild at Heart is ostensibly a book for men, but we men know this stuff – or at least men should know. The book really is written for women and men who have lost their spine. In fact, it should be required reading for women, young and old, as they seek to understand men.
In Wild at Heart, John Eldridge argues, “There are three desires I find written so deeply into my heart I know now I can no longer disregard them without losing my soul… in the heart of every man is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to love.” If a women does not understand this, she’ll never understand her husband, dad, sons, or brothers. She’ll misunderstand half the people on the planet as she mis-navigates herself through life. And if a man fails to understand what it means to be a man, then he’ll become either pitiful or dangerous, and both are unacceptable outcomes.
Eldredge is a Gifted Communicator
Eldredge communicates what most men don’t, which is men need spaces to engage in manly pursuits. As he writes, “A man needs to feel the rhythms of the earth; he needs to have in hand something real – the tiller of a boat, set of reins, the roughness of rope, or simply a shovel. Can a man live all his days to keep his fingernails clean and trim? Is that what a boy dreams of.” Nobody dreams of sitting in air-condition at a desk or analyzing data or talking on the phone for a living – lawyer, accountant, engineer, architect, salesman, etc. We can do those things to support ourselves and our families, but there has to be more, much more.
In one chapter, Eldredge takes head on the question every man must ask: “Do I have what it takes?” It may seem silly, but look around and you can tell which men do and which men turn away. As the book argues, “A man is fierce, passionate, and wild at heart? You wouldn’t know it from what normally walks around in a pair of trousers. If a man is the image of the Lion of Judah, how come there are so many lonely women, so many fatherless children, so few men around?” He continues, “Without a great battle in which a man can live and die, the fierce part of his nature goes underground and sort of simmers there in a sullen anger that seems to have no reason.” In other words, a man who is not exercising his true heart will act out – he picks fights, chases women, becomes captive to porn, or gripped with showing off his material things.
Finding Truth
As Eldredge explores, he taps on truths our society must face. We have emasculated most men so much they either don’t want to be around or don’t know how to participate. ADHD has risen among boys because they aren’t allowed to be boys. Almost every inmate grew up without a dad. Everything from suicides and mass shootings to poor performance in schools and rising government dependency are the results of a society that doesn’t require boys to grow into men. “Our society produces plenty of boys, but very few men. There are two simple reasons: we don’t know how to initiate boys into men; and second, we’re not sure we really want to. We want to socialize them, to be sure, but away from all that is fierce, and wild, and passionate.”
Masculinity should be bestowed by father to son, Eldredge observes. It can’t be done by a mom or a woman. In Eldredge’s words, “father would lay the foundation for the young boy’s heart, and pass on to him that essential knowledge and confidence in his strength. Dad would be the first man in his life, and forever the most important man.” This reminds me of the last call George W. Bush made to his father. Both the 41st president and the 43rd knew it was the end. W told his dad “You’ve been a good dad, and I love you.” In that moment, you see two men who held the highest job in the world, getting straight to the thing that mattered most.
Let Men be Men, Again
The book isn’t perfect. It’s cheesy and lacks biblical astuteness, but it’s central aim is golden: Let’s reclaim masculinity and make it a force for good again. Each year we need good men more and more as society tries to neuter the men and re-shape us into something we are not. “Your masculine journey is the central mission of your life; everything else depends on your success here.” Hunting weekends or a camping trip into the wilderness may be more than an excuse to skip out on chores. It might actually help nurture the soul. It’s time to let men be men, again.
